You can’t control how your girlfriend responds when you open up, but it’s better to address your concerns early on so they don’t build up and come out later in the relationship. Your insecurities are valid and you deserve someone who will help you work through them. If your girlfriend thinks less of you because of how you’re feeling, that’s a reflection of her, not you. There’s a stigma that men in particular shouldn’t express their insecurities since it will make them less attractive, but that’s not true. Everyone has insecurities, and expressing how you feel doesn’t make you unattractive (it just makes you human). Remember—honesty and communication are important parts of a healthy, long-term relationship. [2] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSWPsychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
“I’d like to talk about our relationship when you have a moment. ” “It’s been a little while since we’ve just chatted about how we’re feeling. Are you free right now?” “Whenever you’re feeling ready, I’d really love to talk about us and our relationship. ”
“I worry that I’m not good enough because I don’t make a lot of money. ” “I feel ashamed when I make a mistake and someone draws more attention to it. ” “I feel lonely and forgotten about when you spend time with your friends without inviting me. ”
“I don’t feel the best about the way that I look, so I’ve been trying to eat healthier and stay active when I can. ” “Sometimes, I think that I don’t have a lot to offer in our relationship, but I’m trying to take a step back and love myself when I’m feeling down. ” “I feel like it’s always my fault when you get upset, but I’m slowly recognizing that other factors are causing it too. ”
“I would really appreciate a few compliments every now and then to help me feel less jealous of the other people you’re spending time with. ” “I’d love it if you thanked me when I help you out so I don’t feel like I’m taken for granted. ” “When I’m working towards a goal I’m struggling with, a few words of encouragement can help me feel like I can get through this. ”
“How does it make you feel when I’ve been hard on myself in the past?” “I know I’m insecure when I’m not in control, but how does it affect you when I try to step in?” “Have you noticed any changes in our relationship since I’ve been feeling down?” Try practicing reflective listening throughout the conversation, where you repeat back what your girlfriend says to make sure you’re understanding. [10] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSWPsychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
“I’ve been feeling a lot better about myself, but I just want to check up on how you think we’re doing. ” “I’ve tried to open up more about communicating my emotions. Do you feel like things are improving?” “I really appreciate everything you’ve done in the past month to make me feel more loved. Do you feel okay if we keep this up?”
“These thoughts are my inner critic and I won’t listen to what it has to say. ” “My inner critic is wrong and needs to go away. I look and feel amazing just the way I am. ” Give your inner critic a silly title to separate it from the rest of your thoughts. That way, it won’t influence how you’re feeling as much. Try saying, “I’m not going to listen to That Old Witch,” or “That Old Witch is lying to me. I am worthy of being in a relationship. ”
If you’re insecure that you don’t have a lot of friends, try listing all the friends that care about you and you’ll probably recognize you have a lot more than you think. If you’re insecure about your appearance, consider that everyone’s body is different and you don’t have to compare yourself to other people. If you feel jealous that your girlfriend is talking to other people, remember that she chose to be with you.
If you’re insecure about how you look, focus on the features that you love about yourself and think about all the things your body can do. If you feel like you aren’t loved in your relationship, list all of your best qualities, like being trustworthy or communicating well, so you can see what made your girlfriend fall for you.
